


the dame walked in

by thezerocard



Category: The Penumbra Podcast
Genre: Film Noir, Idiots in Love, M/M, Roleplay, not an au
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-01-30
Updated: 2018-01-30
Packaged: 2019-03-11 08:51:37
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,047
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/13520799
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/thezerocard/pseuds/thezerocard
Summary: Detective Peter Nureyev receives a late-night visitor.Silhouetted in the doorway was a dame with legs for days and a set of shoulders that made my mouth dry. He was wearing a tight red number and a smile. I set down my whiskey. We looked at each other.“We’re closed,” I said again.“We’ll agree to disagree about that.”





	the dame walked in

It was on a cool and rainy Thursday night that he walked into my life. I was sitting in my office with the shades drawn, thinking about my mistakes and drinking whiskey. I do that a lot. I drink a lot of whiskey, too.

I was on my third— fourth— glass, and cursing decisions made in my childhood, when I heard the knock on my door. It wasn’t my secretary’s, I knew that. She’d left three hours ago and she’d never knocked that loud or certain in her life. _Rat a tat tat._

I lifted my glass, watched the shifting amber liquid in the light of my desk lamp. Didn’t say anything. They knocked again. _Rat a tat tat._

“We’re closed,” I said loudly.

The door creaked open. I was sure I had locked it. 

Silhouetted in the doorway was a dame with legs for days and a set of shoulders that made my mouth dry. He was wearing a tight red number and a smile. I set down my whiskey. We looked at each other.

“We’re closed,” I said again. 

“We’ll agree to disagree about that.” He sat himself down in the leather chair I use for clients without such as a by-your-leave, but he took his time getting settled. A real high-class lady, by the set of his hair and the cost of his clothes-- all genuine article, sourced off-planet, none of that imitation stuff. He was wearing red leather pumps that matched the dress, and some sheer stockings that made his skin glimmer invitingly. I looked at his legs and he watched me do it. When I’d seen seen enough of that little show I sat back in my chair and gave him my best gumshoe glare.

“Closed means closed, lady. If you got a case you can talk to my secretary in the morning. I’m busy.”

“So this is what a busy detective looks like?” he asked, eyebrows raised, and tilted his head towards the glass on my desk.

“Yep.”

I popped the 'p'.

He made a little choking noise like that wasn’t quite the answer he’d expected, but mastered his expression after a moment. He leaned in, eyes wide, changing tactics. Fluttering eyelashes. I couldn’t believe it was working.

“I’m afraid I can’t wait until morning, detective. I need you now.”

Well played. But I wasn’t any kind of kid, and I’d seen his type before.

“If you need me so bad, you better learn some manners. Bust into a guy’s office in the middle of the night without an appointment, then ask for help? That’s not how these things go. You intruded on private property. You’re lucky I don’t toss you out that window.”

“That...would be awful.” It sounded like he was having a little trouble getting the words out. I took a sip of my whiskey to give him some time. It was horrible. Burned the whole way down, like the truth. Like the kind of justice you found in Hyperion City.

“Let me... let’s try again. I’m just a lady in some real bad trouble, detective. I don’t know where else to go. I had to come now ‘cause I don’t know if I’m being watched, I didn’t want anybody to know I was coming to see you.” He bit his lip, and it was the first natural gesture I’d seen since he arrived. I liked it. Tried not to let it show.

“Then you’re bringing a lot of heat onto me, just being here. Why should I help you?”

“Because you’re a good guy, and I’m just a good gal who got mixed up in some real trouble?” That made me laugh, bitter. I haven’t called myself a good guy in a long time. But he was looking at me with those big brown eyes like I was his only help in the world. I ran a hand through my hair and sighed.

“Look, miss-- what’s your name?”

“Regina Diamond,” he said. His lip twitched. “But you can call me Reg.”

“Regina Diamond, hmm?”

“Yes. Reg Diamond.”

We looked at each other for a long moment. I’m not sure who broke out laughing first.

“See! See! I don’t know why I just went along with it, it didn’t even phase me!” Juno was struggling to get his words out through his giggles. He dropped his seductive pose to point an accusing finger at me.

“ _Regina Diamond,_ ” I howled, my hands over my face. Juno kicked in my direction with his fancy heels, made a thud as he connected with the wood of his desk. 

“I didn’t even get to tell you that every queen needs a king, I had it all lined up!” I tried to rub the silly grin off my face.

“I feel that Rex Glass has a little more plausibility to it, you’re really not making a fair comparison.”

“Oh, I am. You’re just mad because I beat you at your own game.” I shook my head at him. I was struck, all over again, by a wave of emotion too complicated to name. If I could've given him my name twice I would've done it. If I could've given him Mars itself. The galaxy. The stars beyond.

“You're full of surprises, as ever, Juno. You’ve come a long way from Dahlia Rose.”

“Yeah, well, I had a good teacher.” He looked genuinely pleased by my compliment, in a quiet way. He was shifting in his seat like he didn’t know quite what to do with himself. The shushing sound of his stockings rubbing against each other drew my eyes back to his legs. 

“This really is a good look on you,” I murmured. He pointed his toes, preening a little.

“It would be a shame to waste such an impressive outfit,” I continued. Juno’s eyes met mine and sparked, the air suddenly taut with challenge. I watched his posture shift and settle. He tossed his head, let his glimmering earrings draw my eyes to his neck, his bare shoulder. I sat back in my chair a little and thought about cigars and late nights.

The dame gave me a look. I’ve felt laser fire cooler than that look.

“Now that we’re on a first-name basis, detective, perhaps we can get down to business.”

**Author's Note:**

> Look. If you expect me to believe that either of these goofballs can get through a scene like this without cracking up....well. Peter could, but Juno's not gonna let that happen.
> 
> Does porn follow this? Almost definitely. Am I gonna write it? Almost definitely not.


End file.
